The mask

Above:  Me.  Photo by Seinberg.

It’s been a hell of a year for me.  A lot has transpired.  Some good.  Some shitty.  More good than shitty.  Though the shitty was quite shitty.  As a blogger, I share a lot of things with the world wide web.  A large variety of  interests and amusements ranging from hiking, biking & camping to book reviews, videos & music.  Homemade hot sauce and marmalade to abandoned buildings and subway stations.  What I don’t share are the more personal aspects of my life:  My anxiety and depression.  My failed marriage.  My melt-downs.  Nor do I mention the people in my life who help me through those times.  I am here today because of them.  I am sincerely thankful for them.  Why am I telling you this?  Because to me, sometimes this blog feels like a mask that I am hiding behind.  I just want people to know that, I too, have my lows.  I think that my blog sometimes has this It’s all good vibe to it.  I’m a real person like you; that’s all I’m trying to say.  I, too, am part of the rank and file who say:  Life has not gone the way I expected.  I never thought I’d find myself divorced.  I never thought I’d hurt the one I cared most about, or that she'd hurt me.  But as we all know, our path through life is one chock full o’ hardship and challenge.  It’s not easy and it’s not fair.  You can’t anticipate what lays ahead or prepare for the unforeseeable.  You can only carry on.  Move forward.  But it’s not all doom & gloom!

Back to the “More good than shitty.” part:  When I left Manhattan, I lost the friend I married.  Her wonderful family.  My dog.  But I also gained a new perspective on life and a sense of OK-ness.  That sense of OKness is strengthening little by little each day.   With these things; I also gained a great new job and a peaceful suburban neighborhood in the country.  I am minutes away from doing the things that make me the happiest.  And from that other part of my life; the shitty part, I take the best pieces. 

Looks like this is one of those blog posts that’s much more for my benefit than for yours.  Unless you’re one of those few special folks in my life.   You know who you are.  Thank you!