Dec 31, 2014

No resolutions this year

Well, Christmas has come and gone.  Here it is New Year's Eve.  I've been on vacation from work since 12/23 and spent my time off, visiting my family in Sherrill, New York and generally loafing around the house.  My Christmas was really nice.  I got some really nice gifts for Debbie and she got me some beauties as well.  The best gifts from here, were my new gun cabinet, my Brother's of Bushcraft knife, my Suunto compass and Mr.Beer Beer Kit (I'm looking forward to brewing my own).  All, are great things.  I'll have to post some pictures and reviews once I get out and use them.

If you know me, only by reading this blog, you'd think that everything in my life was just about perfect.  I tend to post, only positive things here; not the negative.  I have a great job, I'm in a healthy relationship, I have lots of freedom to do things that interest me.  But the truth is, my job is stressing me out beyond belief.  I got promoted from Supplier Quality Manager to Quality Assurance Manager, and that has brought a ton of increased and sudden responsibility. I think the people I manage hate me, and I haven't worked less than 60 hours/week since I got the promotion, a couple months ago.   My nights are always the same, tossing and turning fretting about what I may have missed or what issues at work, I may not be handling in the best way. I eventually fall asleep and wake up unrested and stressed out, before I even get my first cup of coffee.  But, hey, it's gotta get better right?  My relationship is good, I'm with a great girl, but I still have regretful dreams, about my x-wife, that torture me throughout the next day.  At the same time, I proposed to my girlfriend last year and then backed out of it, because I don't know what I want in a relationship anymore.  And lastly, as for all that freedom I have:  I have the freedom to do what I want, when I want to, but nothing interests me the way it used to.  My photography has dropped me into an eternal rut, where I have no interest in capturing scenes like I used to, what's more; blog about it.  My interest in mountainbiking has virtually evaporated, leaving me with great bikes to ride but no ambition to actually get on one and start pedaling.  Even my urge to hunt has subsided.  I only got out hunting two or three times this season.  So what AM I doing these days?  Drinking beer and binge-watching TV series.  This is about it.  Something's gotta change, but lately, I don't have the motivation to apply any effort to that end.

Don't get me wrong; I'm am thankful for what I have and how my life is going.  I'm just not sure that my life is going the way its supposed to.  I'm glad I'm healthy, I'm glad I'm successful.  I'm glad I live in the US.  But, is this it?  Is there something else I'm supposed to be doing that might make me truly happy?

With 2015 coming for me in the morning, I suppose I should think about what I'm going to resolve to do in this great new year ahead of me.  Although, to be honest, who ever sticks with their resolutions?   Not me.   Looking back, through my blog, I see that I always seem to post the same thing on New Years Eve:  Lose weight, ride more, push myself creatively.  This year, I don't think I'm going to resolve to do anything.  What's the point, if you never stick to it? So this year's resolution is, to just keep hanging in there.

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